1. |
Meaningless Measures
02:53
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Scattered amongst the wreckage
Memories and moments are left here in tatters
It only makes it sadder
To think that at one time I thought that it mattered at all
It’s okay, I’ll bend but won’t break
Until one day I don’t wake up
I’m lost in the lesson again
Surrounded by shards of my confidence
And it feels like the walls are closing in
The silence is salient
I’ve lost track of the days
Lost track of the ways that I fucked up everything
I’m not sure that I’ve learned anything I’m afraid
I’m hopelessly lost in these measures without meaning
I’m crying out desperately why can’t you hear me?
I’ve lost my sense of feeling
Please double check that my heart is still beating
Today I’m okay, I’ll bend but won’t break
Until one day I don’t wake up
I’m lost in the lesson again
Surrounded by shards of my confidence
And it feels like the walls are closing in
The silence is salient
I’ve lost track of the days
Lost track of the ways that I fucked up everything
I’m not sure that I’ve learned anything I’m afraid
Please tell me it’s not too late
I hope one day I can change
There’s something wrong, I know there is
Because my head is fucked up again
I’ve always had these thoughts, I was just not sure what they meant
And yet I can’t seem to get them out of my head
I hope there’s an answer I haven’t found yet
I’m running out of strength
They are calling for rain
Baltimore, you get lonelier everyday
I’m anxious and I’m afraid that it may never change
I just feel further and further away
I am barely awake
Surely I have tried to self medicate
I know that the cost will be a new kind of pain
I just wish I knew another way
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2. |
Magic
03:35
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If I could count to ten
Open my eyes and have it all start over again
Take back all the things I said, that I never meant
And I prayed that one day you would forget
It’s fucked up in my head
I say things I don’t mean and moments later I am filled with regret
I wouldn’t blame you if you left, it probably makes more sense
And I deserve to be alone
I hide it well, I’m like a magician
But it haunts my thoughts, keeps me lost, and it blurs my vision
I lie awake, totally afraid
Of all the thoughts in my head and the things that I’ll never face
There’s got to be a better way, but I’ll drink enough to put it off for another day
A fresh coat of paint, the broom swept emptiness looks like a new place
We just covered the stains, they’re not gone
Sorry I led you on, I’m not brave, I’m not strong
I am barely hanging on
At the end of a rope and most of my hope is gone
Please take this bitter pill, and know my dear I miss you still
Your flowers have begun to wilt, my love
It wasn’t a momentary lapse
So many things in my past that I can never take back
Slipping slowly and failing fast
Is there part of me that’s always going to make you sad?
Let’s stop keeping track
Of all the things that you know that you need that I’ll never have
Please don’t be mad, when I’m gone
Sorry I led you on, I’m not brave, I’m not strong
I am barely hanging on
At the end of a rope and most of my hope is gone
Please take this bitter pill, and know my dear I miss you still
Your flowers have begun to wilt, my love
Even when it’s sunny there’s a chance of rain
It’s followed me, everywhere, everyday
I left a note and I signed my name
It will be on the kitchen table when you wake
I gave it my best shot, but I could never see straight and I got lost
I hate it so much, is too late now?
For me to learn how?
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3. |
Strength For Breath
02:11
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This silence is blinding, I’ve got to run far away
And the only reminder of me will be my name on a rooftop in paint
I hope it’s not too late, there is pain still inside me, I grew up feeling afraid Of the thoughts inside my head and what everyone else must think
The light inside me slowly fades
There is distance and division between who you loved and who I am today It keeps me frozen here in place
It’s ok, there’s nothing to say, I knew the ending all along
When I was a kid I let it define me, please don’t grow up that way
Four weeks in a hospital and not one friend even came
My heart still breaks, you don’t need to remind me, all of the ways
I could have done better, could have been stronger, should have been brave
The light inside me slowly fades
There is distance and division between who you loved and who I am today It keeps me frozen here in place
It’s ok, there’s nothing to say, I knew the ending all along
Can I change still?
I promise you that if I can that I will
I love you to death
Your’e the reason I have strength for breath
Here I am clearly not at my best, I’m sorry if I let you down
I wrote down the words I couldn’t say but today
I feel like at last that it might end differently
Staring down at all these words on the page
How long have I been so lost and what was the cost?
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4. |
Tiny Little Pieces
02:22
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I won’t lie, I’m a mess
I have better days, but now they seem to happen less and less
There are things that I can’t get out of my head
These thoughts are an aggregate I hope will never set
Because I can’t find the answer
I know that I’m loved, yet I feel so alone
I hope there’s a chance for me to learn
To love myself a way that I don’t
Deep inside, locked away
Etched are a set of frames I cannot escape
Maybe in time the images will start to fade
Darkness is a barrier and I’m barely awake
Because I can’t find the answer
I know that I’m loved, yet I feel so alone
I hope there’s a chance for me to learn
To love myself a way that I don’t
Here’s everything I know in tiny little pieces
I don’t have much to show, but I am happy to see you though
My heart beat starts to slow, yeah I know that I’ll need it
My roots replaced by invasive vines, I am longing to feel alive
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5. |
Morning Light
01:56
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I’ll fuck it up, I’ll swing and miss
I’ll look alive and struggle to see it
I ruin relationships, so don’t cast your lot with a sinking ship
Is there a trick for dealing with this emptiness?
I’ve got to know, I feel so alone, and every time I get it wrong
I’ve replayed the scene with a compulsivity that keeps me from sleeping I’m reaching my bottom now
Morning light, make it right
Because I am desperate to feel
I’m fractured, I’m haunted, I’ve got skeletons in the closet
I’m drowning here in my regret
And the blurring lines between my heart and head
Is there a trick for dealing with this emptiness?
I’ve got to know, I feel so alone, and every time I get it wrong
I’ve replayed the scene with a compulsivity that keeps me from sleeping I’m reaching my bottom now
Morning light, make it right
Because I am desperate to feel
Here I wait, silently, at the bend right before the break
You’re not wrong, I’m not strong
I never was, but I wore the mask so you could see what you wanted to
I don’t think you get that in my head I am so sad
Morning light, make it right
Because I am desperate to feel
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6. |
The Weight And The Cost
03:50
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I’ll do my best to try and answer the question
Because it’s keeping me up, it’s wearing me out, and I want you to know
When I was your age I was already a mess
I look at you now and I’m not sure how that you’ve grown up so strong
If I had known that it would hurt this bad
To wake up, I’m not sure I would have
It breaks my heart that it makes you so sad
And to think of the life that you probably could have had
If I had known that it would hurt this bad
To try to make sense of the thoughts in my head
I’m running out of words, and for those that I’ve hurt
I’m not who I wish I were
I’m distant, longing, absent, and vacant
A goodnight kiss, how much have I missed, I might never be sure
My thoughts are buried in a box in the basement
You’re just a kid, you shouldn’t have to forgive me for the things that you’ll learn
My beautiful girl
If I had known that it would hurt this bad
To wake up, I’m not sure I would have
It breaks my heart that it makes you so sad
And to think of the life that you probably could have had
If I had known that it would hurt this bad
To try to make sense of the thoughts in my head
I’m running out of words, and for those that I’ve hurt
I’m not who I wish I were
In the blink of a moment, I feel the weight and the cost
Of years desperately hoping, when I was so hopelessly lost
As the night falls and days pass, I am filled with regret
Oh, how I wish I could say that I could make sense of the thoughts in my head
I’m anxious and aging with things that I have never said
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7. |
Each Passing Day
02:20
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Please help me find the words because I don’t have an end, I’m lost here again
What I wanted to say now doesn’t make sense
And the thoughts in my head are deafening
I tried my best to pretend, I’ve said plenty of things I never meant
Now the inks dry in my pen and I’m alone here once again
It’s been with me ever since I was young
I stopped picking up the pieces because I can’t feel what I’m feeling, I am numb
When everything is right it feels wrong
Now you seem so far away when you’re here right next to me
I’ve been awake for what seems like days, counting, and counting, and counting in vain
Slowly retracing the look on your face, your disappointment, my sense of shame
Time is slipping now fast, there’s fleeting hope that never lasts
Staring at old photographs there is a stranger that is staring back
It’s been with me ever since I was young
I stopped picking up the pieces because I can’t feel what I’m feeling, I am numb
When everything is right it feels wrong
Now you seem so far away when you’re here right next to me
Darkness flowing through my veins ever so slowly now
I wish I could change, but I don’t know how
With each passing day I feel further away
Lost inside my head with all the things that I could never say
My heart breaks as I lie in bed wide awake
Please don’t try and save me
With each passing day I feel further away
From the person that you think you love and I know that I’ll never be Please don’t try and change me
Slowly it’s staring to suffocate me, It’s getting harder for me to breathe
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8. |
Frozen
02:47
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Please help me forget, I’m drowning in regret
And the place in my head that I need to get hurts better than this
I am frozen in your frame
I am paralyzed and can’t escape
My reflection leaves a stain
That you can’t wash out and you can’t erase
Don’t look away, this is what I look like everyday
Please help me forget, I’m drowning in regret
And the place in my head that I need to get hurts better than this
I have gotten good at digging graves
The part of me you loved I’ve locked away
My reflection is turning grey
Is it too far to reach or am I just afraid?
With all candor, I’m loved
Trust me I know it, but I can’t feel it all
It’s like a cancer, I know
Since I was young it’s grown, and grown, and grown
I don’t know where to look, don’t know where to turn
I don’t know where to go
So please help me forget
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9. |
Aperture
03:37
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I’ve been afraid to admit
How dark of a place that I have been in
I’m hopelessly lost while trying to mend
Red eyes now face the wind
Words scribbled on a page reflect the state that I have been in
An imbalance of faith and serotonin
Here I am, like before
Anxious and insecure
Something has felt wrong
Inside of me since the day I was born
Here I am, like before
I’ll try to find a way but I’m afraid there might not be a cure
I hope I’m wrong, but I’m scared that you’ll hate me for it when one day I’m gone
I’ve adjusted the lens
The aperture is slowly letting the light in again
But the comforting sense lacks permanence
Please grow up self assured, and never hide who you are my beautiful girl As I drift further away from the shore
Without an oar or an anchor
Here I am, like before
Anxious and insecure
Something has felt wrong
Inside of me since the day I was born
Here I am, like before
I’ll try to find a way but I’m afraid there might not be a cure
I hope I’m wrong, but I’m scared that you’ll hate me for it when one day I’m gone
I’ve lived my life paralyzed by the questions
That I’m too scared to ask
What you see is a mask
I am still haunted by things in my past
It breaks my heart that it makes you so sad
How long with this feeling last?
I’m awake, lying here all by myself with thoughts I can’t escape
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10. |
Longing
02:42
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There is an echo that is building in my head
Feeding back in time are words that were never meant to rhyme
I’ve seen the evidence
The canvas drips with loneliness
It’s haunting, but it draws me in
I long for light to fill my heart
I am desperate but feel
Like if I can survive tonight then I’ll learn to start
To want to live and heal
Pick me up, pull me in
I just want to feel again
It’s a chemical imbalance, yes I know
It doesn’t make it hurt less though, it’s paradoxical
With each breath I feel more alone
I long for light to fill my heart
I am desperate but feel
Like if I can survive tonight then I’ll learn to start
To want to to live and heal
Can I begin again, I’ve wanted to believe in a different end
But there are days when I can’t even find the strength to get up
Can I begin again, I’ve felt like this ever since I was a kid
Trust me I know that it is all in my head, but it still feels fucked
All these thoughts I can’t make sense of
Can I begin again, I wish I had your confidence
But there are days when I can’t even find the strength to get up
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11. |
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I don’t know where to run, everything feels so wrong
There’s man with a mask in my home, kneeling in front of a confessional
I only know a few chords, and a lot of mixed metaphors
It’s hard to think I’m responsible for even myself, much less this girl
No light came at dawn, and I am barely holding on
The shutter snapped and it froze the frame, but I barely recognize my face
I only know a few chords, and a lot of mixed metaphors
It’s hard to think I’m responsible for even myself, much less this girl
One day I’ll be better, I hope that you never
Feel as lost as I do today
It changes with the weather, It’s the worst in November
My head swirls as the colors change
I drown it in alcohol so I can sleep
I’m not strong, no not enough
To wake and face the morning sun
Unexceptional, completely and totally forgettable
Maybe it’s not rational, but nothing makes sense to me at all
I know it isn’t fashionable, but I wear it so well
One day I’ll be better, I hope that you never
Feel as lost as I do today
It changes with the weather, It’s the worst in November
My head swirls as the colors change
I drown it in alcohol so I can find a way to face another day
There is a storm cloud outside that I can’t ignore
The water’s rushing in through an open door
Slowly it rises
I can still breathe, but I have to be reminded
That my heart is still beating and this feeling will pass
It can feel defeating, but it never lasts
And through a different lens the glass is half full in fact, I got it
But there’s a storyline that is only in my head
I’ve spent half of my life wishing I was dead
If there is part of this that I shouldn’t have said, I’m sorry
To fix it I have to get back to the place it first started
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Be Well Baltimore, Maryland
Be Well is high-energy, melodic hardcore that is infused with emotion and lyrical depth. Frontman and Producer Brian McTernan (Turnstile, Thrice, Hot Water Music) finds emotional catharsis through examination of childhood trauma, depression, and fatherhood while still providing a hopeful light. The members have spent their lives playing in Bane, Battery, Fairweather, and Darkest Hour. ... more
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