1. |
Treadless
02:12
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I’m treadless and spinning
I just don’t know where I should begin
What started out as a terrible lie
Grew and grew and multiplied
I’m not even sure who’s behind this disguise
But it’s someone I don’t recognize
Help me find myself
I’ve spent so long wishing that I was someone else
I’ve wanted to get better everyday since I was a kid
It’s still so sad, isn’t it?
That I never did
There was no stillness after the wake
The waves are crashing more today
I’m drifting further, I’m farther away
What’s left is slowly eroding with each crest as it breaks
Help me find myself
I’ve spent so long wishing that I was someone else
I’ve wanted to get better everyday since I was a kid
It’s still so sad, isn’t it?
That I never did
I never told my Dad that I wished I was dead
Just one of those talks that we never had
So I just laid awake, haunted, afraid
Praying for help that never came
Pick me up, pull me in
I don’t know what I have but what’s left I will give
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2. |
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I am lost, I am flawed, yes at my best
I’m not afraid to accept the things that I’ve fucked up
But when I’m gone you can burry me with things
That I made for my friends with love
I’ll leave you with this
What got lost in the midst of the deafening sadness
Is that I will leave behind
Records that document our lives
I’ll leave you with this
Piece of myself after years where I hadn’t
Felt like I could ask for help
The hope and pain inside memorialized
I was hospitalized and I almost gave up
So if you think that you can take this from me now
You’ll need the barrel of a gun
Words over chords
Reflect the things our hearts endure
I’ll leave you with this
What got lost in the midst of the deafening sadness
Is that I will leave behind
Records that document our lives
I’ll leave you with this
Piece of myself after years where I hadn’t
Felt like I could ask for help
There are notes with delay
That crystallize our darkest days
The tape is spinning, the candles lit
You won’t have to miss me because I’m going to live
I am preparing for the journey instead
By learning what I can from all the pieces of wreckage
There is a light that’s flickering up ahead
My face reflects all the things that I wish I had said
But this is all I know…
Saying this out loud makes me feel less alone
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3. |
An Endless Loop
02:34
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I’m on the edge looking down
From this distance the figures are blurred on the ground
A sense of shame that I can’t quantify
I broke every promise, I told every lie
I know something is fucked up inside of my mind
And I’m not sure I can do better next time
It’s alright, It’s ok, You don’t have to wait
I feigned confidence and promised I’d be fine
But what I meant was that I don’t like me inside
So I pretend it’s not inherent and doesn’t define me
Oh god, I wish that was what I believed
It’s days like this that I am a shade that I wish that I weren’t
Ruminating over things until they hurt
My mother’s praying to Theresa for sure
But I’m not sure that there is a cure
I feigned confidence and promised I’d be fine
But what I meant was that I don’t like me inside
So I pretend it’s not inherent and doesn’t define me
Oh god, I wish that was what I believed
Even breathing can feel defeating
With compounding thoughts of loss and no sense of hope
Concentration weaponized
An endless loop of things I can’t seem to describe
I flipped the tape, I cut the line
But I can’t seem to change the way that I still feel inside
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4. |
Hello Sun
04:12
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I looked down and then you looked away
I’m disappointing on my best days
It’s not what you said, but it’s what you meant, and I get it
The right words will never make it change
The sentiment will slowly fade
Don’t feel bad, I hate to see you sad
It fucks me up
Hello sun, wake me up
Take away what the darkness brought
Hello rain, please stay away
Haven’t I paid enough for all of my mistakes?
Because I can’t go on this way
There is an empty hole that calls
Fill it with dirt and seed in fall
Let’s not forget that I was a mess when I met you
For sure there will be a stinging sense of loss
But you’ll find the strength to just move on
Don’t feel bad I gave what I had
It just wasn’t enough
Hello sun, wake me up
Take away what the darkness brought
Hello rain, please stay away
Haven’t I paid enough for all of my mistakes?
Because I can’t go on this way
All that’s left is an empty bed
A hole in my heart I am so lost in my head
You should take your stuff, my best won’t be enough and then
You’ll still leave me in the end
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5. |
Only One Wish
01:25
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I’ve spent my life hiding from myself
Let’s take the long way back
And savor this as a reminder
You’re like a looking glass
You’re smarter, stronger, wiser, kinder
My dear don’t bury away your loss and pain
The roots that grow will slowly suffocate
Everything that remains
It’s not fair to make you my reason to live
I should have gotten help and I never did
If am left with only one wish
It’s that you won’t grow up and feel like this
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6. |
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I’m going to need a ladder, I’m going to need a friend
Because I have been digging deeper since I was a kid
The mounting losses depth is over my head
But I’ll keep climbing until I find the hope that’s left
Depression is haunting and I’m not ok
Everything is going to be alright
Is just a thing people that don’t know say
I’m lost and worried and I feel afraid
Of all of the things that are inside my head
That I have been far too ashamed to say
But I want to get better, I want to change
What I once thought was an anchor was a weight
I defined myself by others thoughts and others praise
I’ve lost a little more of myself everyday
Now I’m sinking and I so badly need to be saved
Depression is haunting and I’m not ok
Everything is going to be alright
Is just a thing people that don’t know say
I’m lost and worried and I feel afraid
Of all of the things that are inside my head
That I have been far too ashamed to say
But I want to get better, I want to change
With each setting sun a little more is gone
And I can’t go on living in the shadow of who you thought I was
Where do I start? My eyes swell with my beating heart
And now I’m ready to be lured
Out of the water until I’m gasping on the shore
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Be Well Baltimore, Maryland
Be Well is high-energy, melodic hardcore that is infused with emotion and lyrical depth. Frontman and Producer Brian McTernan (Turnstile, Thrice, Hot Water Music) finds emotional catharsis through examination of childhood trauma, depression, and fatherhood while still providing a hopeful light. The members have spent their lives playing in Bane, Battery, Fairweather, and Darkest Hour. ... more
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